


That Lifeless Talk of Hope

by Carchs



Series: Tranquilize Series [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Drama, F/M, Friendship, Hurt, Love, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-14 00:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3401330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carchs/pseuds/Carchs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elissa Cousland is having the worst night of her life. The Blight is coming to an end, but apparently so is her life. In the eve of the final battle, can she cope with all the pain she has kept a secret? And how will she react once a certain witch proposes a plan that can change the future of Ferelden? Events occur previously to "Pestilence, Swords and Pride."</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Lifeless Talk of Hope

She left that dreadful room after him, her head held high. She was frowning – that expression had become somewhat usual on her ivory skinned face. Long gone were the days where she could afford herself to even smile – or to cry, for that matter.

_I need to get some sleep. Otherwise I don’t think I’ll last another day._ Elissa smiled at her own thought while she undid her long red braid. _I’m so funny. Alistair’s humor must be get-- No, I will not think about him. Tomorrow we fight, I kill the Archdemon should Riordan fail, and then everything will be alright._

Her last thought made desperation start to sink in. Elissa let her right hand travel along the cold, rough, stony wall while she walked to her bedroom, her loose hair floating ever so lightly with every step she took. Alistair was nowhere to be found, which was the perfect situation as far as she was concerned – the last thing she needed was for him to see her on the verge of a breakdown.

The cold air made her feel even more helpless. There was a weight on her chest that had been locked tight for too long, and she couldn’t hold it back anymore. Her parents, Alistair, and now this – her death. Tomorrow was most likely going to be her last day in the living world. She was the last of the Couslands, a lineage now lost forever. She just wanted to reach her bedroom, so she could curl herself on her bed and let the warm embrace from the previously lit fireplace cradle her to sleep. She could already feel its warmth as she turned and walked through the door.

 “Do not be alarmed,” a low, calm voice sounded from inside the room Elissa was now in, acknowledging the rogue’s presence. “It is only I.”

Elissa jumped at those words. Those blissful dreams were shattered as soon as she heard the mage, who was standing in front of the crackling fire, right in the middle of the warm room she had been longing for. Morrigan had a strange aura around her, and it was not just because the fiery flames in front of her gave her silhouette an orange-ish tone – there was something wrong, Elissa could tell. She knew the mage well enough by now to understand her true essence. Or so she thought.

The Warden took a deep breath and closed her sea green eyes. She just wanted to be alone tonight. She wanted to make peace with herself. She wanted to let go of everything. By the Maker, she wanted to _mourn_ – not only her parents, but her own short life.

“Morrigan?” she asked, opening her eyes to look at her, wondering why the witch was in her chambers. “Is everything alright?”

Morrigan turned around slowly, her hands tangled together in front of her. Her black hair wasn’t as neatly done up as it used to be. It seemed she had passed a hand too many times through it, maybe fighting with herself over something. “I am well,” she answered with a trembling voice. Morrigan noticed the anxiety in her own voice and she pulled herself together, straightened her back and spoke in her normal voice this time, “‘Tis you who are in danger.”

Elissa let out a small breath. So Morrigan knew. The Warden felt a mixture of fear and anger – they were _friends_ , or so she had thought; why hadn’t Morrigan said anything? She had to control every fiber in her being in order not to throw herself at the witch’s throat, in order not to start screaming, in order to remain calm. She just kept looking into her golden eyes, listening to what she had to say.

Morrigan promised a plan, a way out – the loop in Elissa’s hole. She told her it was most likely either Elissa or Alistair would be the one to take the fall. Elissa told her there were no doubts there – she was more than willing to strike the killing blow if that meant a peaceful and united Ferelden. This was her duty; this is why her parents were left behind – for her to change the course of things, for her to put an end to the Blight.

But the witch knew better. And deep down, Elissa did too. There was no way the Templar would just idly stand there while he watched the woman he loved the most sacrifice her life for him, a man who wasn’t even _supposed_ to be on the throne. So Morrigan told her only friend about the plan she had had all along: a child, produced in the eve of the battle. A child who would have the soul of the old god. A child who would save both Alistair and Elissa.

Elissa listened to Morrigan’s plan without saying a word. When the witch had told her everything she needed to know, the Warden left the bedroom with a racing heart and lips pressed tight.

 

* * *

 

 

Morrigan watched the young Cousland leave the room, her pain lingering in the air as she decisively walked through the door to meet with the King. She turned around to face the fire once again.

_Most odd_ , she thought to herself, _that sinking feeling remains here._ The air was heavy, as if the sky had fallen a few feet and it was now dangerously close to them all, threatening to crush them any second now. The Warden had already left – what could possibly be wrong?

Suddenly, it struck her: she was _afraid_. For the first time in her whole life, the Witch of the Wilds was afraid. She had never felt it before. _How strange. How come? Why should I be afraid at all?_ This new feeling was too awful to bear – she felt like she was choking, yet she breathed still. She had to understand the purpose of her reaction.

Was she afraid that Alistair would say no to her plan? _No, that is impossible. That blabbering fool would do anything to save her_. Was she afraid of the incoming encounter? _Nonsense! ‘Tis nothing I haven’t done before, and I don’t think that creature would excel at it._ Was she afraid her plan wouldn’t work? _I have made and drank the fertility potions just like Mother instructed, that cannot possibly go wrong_. _What is it then, blast it!?_

She thought long and hard about what had happened the last couple of weeks. She trusted only Elissa, and she was proud to call her a friend – she was doing this not only because it had been her plan all along, but because she did not want to see her only friend die. She was feeling like that because of Elissa, she knew it, but she couldn’t understand why.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of clanking armor. She turned around to look at the new King in his golden shiny armor, with a hard frown on his face. He looked unhappy – _well, he has looked unhappy all the time since—_

Morrigan’s eyes suddenly widened. She had figured it out. She was afraid, but because of something that hadn’t even crossed her mind: she was afraid of losing Elissa’s trust. She was _betraying_ her only friend, the closest person to her, her _sister_. She looked straight into her sea green eyes, and there it was: hiding behind an expressionless face, she saw all the pain she was going through. She felt bad for putting her through another hopeless situation, but they all knew _this_ was necessary.

The Witch cleared her throat and tried to shrug those strange thoughts out of her mind. “’Twould seem your talk is done?”

Alistair scoffed at those words. “Greaaaat. So this isn’t a dream after all.”

Elissa told her Alistair had agreed with her plan, albeit reluctantly. Morrigan could see the noblewoman was holding something back, as her breathing grew heavier. _That is it for her_ , she thought, _she won’t be able to hold it back any longer._ Without saying a word, Morrigan walked out of Elissa’s bedroom, signaling to Alistair to follow her. She had to wait for him by the door as the Wardens took a last look at each other before it all fell apart.

Morrigan knew that what she was about to do would allow them both to live. But at the same time, it would kill them inside.

 

* * *

Elissa didn’t look back as her two companions left the room. She heard the door being shut, and she embraced the silence that had settled. Finally, she was alone.

She got closer to the warmth that emanated from the fire place. Her breathing was getting heavier, her heart was getting restless; with every step she took, involuntary sobs rose to her lips and tears started to form in her eyes.

She couldn’t take it anymore. It was too much to bear. Her legs suddenly weakened and she fell to the floor on her knees, a loud sound spreading through the room because she had her armor on still.

Elissa was sobbing uncontrollably, tears falling from her eyes like a river. All this time she had held back her emotions; she had finally reached her breaking point.

When she was forced to leave her parents behind, she had never had the time to mourn. Duncan led her through Ferelden and not even once had she said a word, not even once had she shed a tear. She tried to remain strong, and the only way to do that was to erase the memories from her mind. But the last sight of her parents, bloodied, holding each other on the floor in an endless embrace, would stick with her forever.

She had not mourned her parents. She had not worried about her missing brother. She had not shed a tear for Duncan. She had not cried when Alistair broke up with her – that was the one moment when she thought every wall she had put up during the last year would crumble down. But the tear that had risen to her eyes stayed there and never dared to fall. But knowing that Alistair would be in his bedroom now with Morrigan, both of them naked, bodies tangled together… That had been the last punch she could take.

So the Warden decided to let it all out. She let all the suppressed memories come to her all at once, and she cried. She cried until she was out of breath, she sobbed uncontrollably, and she let herself give in to the despair. _Sod it all! I never asked for this. I never asked for this…_

She had been in the same spot for over an hour, now. Her sobs began to slowly return to a normal breathing, her tears began to run dry. Should someone walk into her room at that precise moment, they would not see the fearless Warden everyone had heard about; they would see a 20-year-old girl sitting on the bedroom floor with swollen eyes and her hair in a mess.

She got up and took a deep breath. She had been hoping Alistair would barge in and hold her one last time, telling her he couldn’t do it because he still loved her. She would probably give in to him and they would spend their last night in each other’s arms.

But no one ever came. Elissa tried to straighten her hair and slowly took her armor off, with an occasional sob overtaking her every now and then. She put on a nightgown some servant had left for her and sat on her bed, her mind still trapped amidst memories of the past year.

And then, a knock on the door. Her heart skipped a beat. Had he really come back for her?

 

* * *

 

 

_Ew. Ew ew ew._ Alistair was trying to erase the last couple of minutes from his mind. _Maker’s breath, I’ll never_ ever _do that again._ He was wearing his old leather pants and a simple white linen tunic as he walked across the halls of Redcliffe Castle in a hurried pace. _This was worse than that time I ate bad cheese._

His feet were leading him while his brain was still disgusted by what had just happened. Next thing he knew, he was standing at her bedroom door, undecided if he should go in or back to his room. He wasn’t even sure if he could actually sleep _in_ his room – not after what had happened in his bed. He bet her smell was still there, like a bad headache that wouldn’t go away.

He was about to knock when he heard a sob from inside. Then another one. _By the Maker, she is crying!_ Alistair had never seen her cry. He had hurt her just two days ago, and he had seen tears in her eyes, but not once had she ever let them fall. And now there she was, alone in her room, crying uncontrollably.

He stood there for what seemed hours. He heard her pain while he felt it as his own. Alistair let his forehead rest on the wooden door, not daring to disturb her moment of release. Finally, the sobs began to disappear. She had calmed down, and he was going to go in. He needed her, and he was sure she needed him. He could not leave her like that.

His hand was already on the doorknob when a voice interrupted him.

“That would be most unwise,” Morrigan told him while she walked over to him.

Alistair rolled his eyes. “You again?” he asked in a whisper. “What are you doing here? Have you not caused enough trouble for everyone?”

“And what about you, Your _Highness_? Have you not caused that girl enough pain?”

Alistair let go of the doorknob and approached the Witch, rage appearing in his eyes. “All the pain I caused her was because of you and your mother,” he hissed angrily. “Flemeth knew about me, and _you_ knew about this all along. The word _loathe_ is not nearly enough to describe what I feel towards you.”

“Funny,” Morrigan laughed. “One would think you were enjoying yourself just minutes ago.” She waited to see the King’s reaction, and she smiled as she saw the anger in his face. “Now, move. There are things I should discuss with Elissa.”

Alistair was too shocked and too tired to argue with her. And he knew she was right – seeing him was probably the last thing Elissa needed right now. Without a word, he walked back to his bedroom and let Morrigan pass.

 

* * *

The room was still warm. The fire was still very much alive, with bright orange twirling flames. The Warden, on the other hand, looked like someone close to their death – which was sadistically funny, because what Morrigan had done had just saved her life.

“Mo—Morrigan?” Elissa asked, her voice still trembling and looking like she was expecting someone else.

“’Tis I, indeed,” the Witch said as she carefully approached the frail human that sat on the edge of the bed.

Elissa nodded in disapproval and stood. She wanted nothing to do with her or Alistair, even though she had just longed for him. She just wanted to put an end to the Blight in order to return to Highever, where she would calmly live until the Calling took her to the Deep Roads.

Morrigan stood in front of her. “Before you send me away, just let me tell you this.” She waited to see the noblewoman’s reaction, and when she just looked at her without saying a word, Morrigan allowed herself to continue. “Many times I’ve told you love is weakness. The same thing is also true for friendship. I’ll have you know that what happened tonight was a lot harder than it should have been – all because you tried so hard to be my friend.”

Elissa just listened to the mage. Morrigan sighed. She would have to spell it out.

“Elissa, I have told you before you are my only friend. I felt horrible asking you to do what you did, you must believe me. I cannot fathom what pain strikes through your heart right now, but I want you to know that what I did was not only for self-benefit. I could not stand still while you sacrificed your life or you spent the rest of it longing for long lost love. Not now, that I have learned its true meaning.” Tears sprung to Morrigan’s eyes and she tried to hide them. _‘Tis already foolish for her to be like that, I shall not fall to it as well._

It was too late, however. Elissa saw the salty liquid forming in the witch’s eyes and she hugged Morrigan. She had never dared to act so warmly towards her, mostly due to her cold nature, but that night was a tough night. Elissa had lost so much, and she was not prepared to lose another friend yet.

Morrigan was motionless. She did not know what to do because no one had ever hugged her. It was a warm feeling nonetheless, and for once she decided to throw her cares away and put her arms around Elissa.

They both stood there for a moment, tangled in each other’s arms, not quite knowing what to say or do. They knew this moment would never occur again – Morrigan told Elissa she would leave as soon as the battle was over, and she had promised not to follow the witch.

“Thank you,” Elissa finally whispered. She pulled away from the mage’s embrace, but Morrigan wasn’t ready to let go. She let her arms slowly fall to her sides, but they passed by Elissa’s belly in the meantime. Morrigan gasped as her hands stood still on the noblewoman’s stomach.

“Is everything okay?” Elissa asked, confused by the look on Morrigan’s eyes. She had her eyes wide open, shock spreading across her face.

“Elissa… you…” Morrigan couldn’t even verbalize her thoughts. She had no idea how that had happened – well, of course she knew _how_ that had happened, she just didn’t know how that could be possible. _‘Tis better for her to know about it now than later on where she can’t even reach out to him._ Morrigan took a deep breath and her golden eyes locked on Elissa’s green ones. “You are… _pregnant_.” She slowly brought the news to her, making sure the noblewoman understood what was going on.

Elissa didn’t react. She stood still, apparently assimilating the information that she had been given. She tried to speak, but she stuttered. “I—I’m sorry, I’m wha—I’m what!?”

“’Tis a girl… But she possesses no taint!”

Elissa took two steps back and put her own hands on her stomach. “How’s… How is that even possible? _I_ am tainted, how can she not…? And how do you know it’s a girl?”

Morrigan smiled lightly. “I am a _witch_ , am I not? ‘Tis what we do.”

Elissa was still starring at her own hands placed upon her belly, trying to decide if Morrigan spoke the truth or not. Morrigan could feel her doubts, her panic and mostly, the powerful sentiment that was starting to erupt from her fellow Warden.

“You should rest, dear friend,” the witch told her while walking to the door. “I assure you, the babe is nothing to worry about until the battle is ended and the Archdemon slayed. You have my word.”

Elissa’s teary eyes turned back at Morrigan. She was offering protection to her unborn child, the one she had never known about until the evident signs were beginning to show. She was saving both her life, and her daughter’s. Elissa couldn’t say a word, so she just smiled as a tear fell from her left eye.

Morrigan nodded and exited the room, but her hand hesitated as it rested on the door handle.  The memory of Alistair standing at her door while Elissa cried crossed her mind, and for a brief moment the mage wondered if she should tell her. _If that idiot really wanted her to be happy, he would just have barged in. There is no need to trouble that girl even further._

Morrigan decided to close the door behind her. A sob was heard from inside the room, but this time it wasn’t a sad one: it was full of hopes and dreams.

The witch walked over to her own bedroom smiling, her hands on her stomach. She noticed how happy Elissa had become just to hear that she was with child. Morrigan closed her bedroom door behind her, she too dreaming about the life that she now had in her own womb.


End file.
